How to Create a Plan for Surviving Life After a Tragedy

Getting older is more challenging than I ever imagined. For example, I never thought I would write a blog post on how to create a plan for surviving life after a tragedy. Yet, here I am.

This past weekend, I celebrated my sixty-second birthday. Not bad for someone who thought they wouldn’t make it past thirty. I was a mess when I was younger, but I was such an over-achiever at everything that nobody noticed. Sad, but true.

We had to write our obituary one year in high school religion class. I was the only student who didn’t write “survived by a spouse.” My obituary was so startling I was forced to see the school guidance counselor. But that’s a blog for another day!

For some reason, this birthday has been more reflective for me than any previous one. I’m guessing because I am officially “in” my sixties now. Who knows?

What I have come to realize is that I have squeezed two lives into my sixty-two years. There’s my life before breast cancer and my life after breast cancer. The disease was life-changing for me.

Many people have something that occurs during their lifetime that is life-changing. It could be the loss of a loved one, a house fire, a car accident, an overdose; the tragedy list is never-ending. When a shocking event occurs, we often compartmentalize. Things become before and after.

For me, it’s breast cancer, but it can be many different things. Recommendations from your oncologist, radiologist, and surgeon are woven together upon a breast cancer diagnosis to form a tidy treatment plan. However, there is no blueprint available for life after cancer.

It is similar to experiencing a death in the family. When someone you love dies, there is an immediate process to follow based on your religious beliefs. Being Catholic, I would contact a funeral home and our church to arrange a wake and burial mass. Soon followed by purchasing a casket and cemetery plot and selecting readings for the mass.

Let’s not forget the climb into the attic to search for pictures to make collages for all the easels on display at the funeral home. Lastly, I would book a luncheon for after the burial service to celebrate the life of the loved one we lost. There is a lot to do to keep busy until the luncheon ends. Then what?

Where is the blueprint for living? The sun will still come up tomorrow as if nothing has changed. Yet, your whole world turned upside down, and you have no idea how to live in it anymore. How do you live when the “event” or cancer treatment is over?

That is precisely what I have been trying to figure out for the past five years. After much trial and error, I have identified some actions that help me keep my sanity. Below is a listing of things I do every day to ensure I enjoy my second life.

Living After Breast Cancer

• Be kind – I do at least one random act of kindness every day. Really. It brings me so much joy to make someone else’s day better. It feels good to put the focus on someone other than me. You never know what someone else is going through or the impact your small act of kindness can have on them. Just do it, you will love how it makes you feel.
• Know yourself – Having my career taken away due to cancer, I was one lost puppy. I had allowed my career to define me, and without it, I had no idea who I was. There was a time when I suffered from deep depression. I did not want to get out of bed and/or off the couch. Therapy and medication was my path to recovery which I endured kicking and screaming. It was a tough road but it slowly allowed me to find my path. My ego did not want any assistance so I struggled with accepting help for a long time. Try not to be as stubborn as me!
• Listen to Others – Listen is such a powerful word. When was the last time you listened to someone? As in, giving them your complete, undivided attention? It is difficult, but it makes life so much easier! The amount of times we misunderstand what someone says is astounding. Just last night, my husband was extemely angry with me for being late paying a bill. I thought his reaction was way over the top and inappropriate. Until he mentioned he took comfort in his insurance policy because it guaranteed our family was taken care of if anything happened to him. Since I do the bills, I knew the payment was a few days late and nothing to worry about. But his mind automatically went to our policy lapsing since it is something so important to him. Now that I know where his reaction was coming from it certainly makes sense. I have learned not to assume anything and to listen carefully.
• Open Your Eyes – have you ever driven on a road and noticed a For Sale Sign for the first time? Interestingly, the house has been up for sale for four months but you only noticed that today! It’s because you have been driving on autopilot. You have been so busy rushing around that you have not opened your eyes to notice what is right in front of you. I make an effort to be present while driving and I always take the scenic route. You never know what you might see. I wrote a blog about it awhile ago that you might enjoy https://www.outwittinglife.com/why-does-everything-look-different/.
• Be open to new things/ideas – Just because you haven’t done it before doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it. It’s no secret that when my career ended it walked off with some serious cash-flow. It forced us to move to a smaller house that I really didn’t like and wanted to renovate. It takes cash to reno a house so I painted the bathroom myself. I changed the shower curtain and towels, and bought new hardware for the cabinet doors. It looks so much better, and I was cheap labor. I painted my first room at age 61! I have also painted a few pieces of furniture. HGTV and https://adabbleddwelling.com/ gave me the inspiration.
• Have faith – you are much stronger than you think you are. No matter what tragedy you have endured, you can figure out a way to handle it. Believe in yourself and be patient as you create your path to get to where you want to be. It’s a bonus if you have faith in God and trust that he is walking the path with you. I do, but I know religion is not for everyone and I do not want to preach.

I sincerely hope you can use these six ideas to create your “after,” as kicking and screaming will not change the tragedy you have endured. I know, because I tried! The only thing you can change is how you react to the situation. Please continue to move forward and figure out ways to adjust to your life now.

Keep celebrating your birthdays even if your mind is younger than your body. I think like a thirty-year-old, yet that’s not what I see when I look in the mirror. Can you relate?

As usual, please let me know in a comment below if anything I have said resonates with you. Kindly subscribe to my blog (box on the right) if you like what you’ve read. I am trying to grow my audience to start writing sponsored posts. Thank you!